Childlessness and Adoption – A Pastoral and Social Response

Introduction

Childlessness is a deeply complex reality that affects millions worldwide. According to a 2023 WHO report, one in six people worldwide, roughly 17.5% of the adult population, experience infertility or childlessness^[1]. In India, studies between 2015 and 2021 indicate that 7–12% of women were childless, a figure that continues to rise^[2]. The terminologies used itself is layered: infertility refers to the inability to conceive or carry a pregnancy to term, often treatable through medical intervention, while barrenness or sterility denotes a permanent inability to bear children. Childlessness, however, refers to the incapacity of couples to conceive or bear children when desired, and it is often experienced as a crisis of identity, faith, and belonging.

This article arises from research titled Pastoral Response to the Crisis of Childlessness among Christians in India^[3]. It was born out of pastoral concern and personal experience, seeking to understand the trauma of childless couples and to equip the church with credible responses. The co-author, who has written on adoption as a viable and grace-filled alternative, joins in this endeavour to bring theological depth, pastoral sensitivity, and lived experience to a subject often overlooked in church and society.

Biblical and Theological Perspectives

Childless families often struggle with guilt, doubt, unanswered questions, and statements that challenge their faith. This struggle is compounded by “the church which is most pro-natalist or pro-birth, and pro-family of our institutions. A couple without children can find the church a lonely, alienating place to be.”^[4] In the Old Testament, childlessness was deeply encultured as both a disgrace and, at times, a punishment for sin. Rachel’s cry, “God has taken away my reproach” (Gen. 30:23) and Hannah’s anguish under Peninnah’s taunts (1 Sam. 1) show how barrenness was socially stigmatized and woven into family life as shame. The law itself reinforced this view, prescribing childlessness as judgment for incest (“they shall die childless” – Lev. 20:20), while Hosea warned that Israel’s sin would result in no conception, pregnancy, or birth (Hos. 9:11–12). Since children were seen as a heritage from the Lord (Ps. 127:3–5), the absence of offspring was interpreted as divine disfavour. Over time, these narratives and laws embedded the stigma into Israelite culture, making barrenness not only a personal sorrow but a communal marker of reproach and moral failure.

As childlessness aggravates a crisis of faith, questions arises whether the church has ever been able to understand that such couples may never be a curse. Every childless couple looks for some ‘supportive others’ to open up and share pain. Church needs to learn how to grieve with them, listen to their pent-up feelings, and in the process be source of inner healing though it may not be the total solution. Childless couples need love and acceptance, and above all, the church needs to educate herself and formulate constructive theology to respond to this issue.

Scripture offers numerous accounts of couples who were once childless but later became parents; Abram and Sarai, Isaac and Rebekah, Jacob and Rachel, Manoah and his wife, Elkanah and Hannah, and Zechariah and Elizabeth. These stories suggest that childlessness can be temporary, yet they also reveal the anguish it brings. ‘In the Old Testament, though there are indications that sin and infertility are associated (Lev. 20:20; Hos. 9:11–12), turning to New Testament one finds Christ’s specific teaching against such inevitable associations. (Jn. 9:1-5)’.^[5]

New Testament theology shifts the focus from blood relationships to faith in God as Father, with believers adopted into His family (Jn. 1:12; Gal. 4:5; Eph. 1:5). Children are welcomed as blessings, but there is no divine obligation to have them. Paul’s theology emphasizes that God’s grace is revealed through weakness, affirming that families without children remain whole.

Childlessness as a Crisis in India

For those considering ‘parenthood’ as desired goals and signs of having attained mature adulthood, “the inability to attain parenthood can be seen as interference in the progress of adult development.”^[6] Every childless couple is therefore driven in the pursuit for a child; a “pursuit that has made them seek a variety of remedies, sometimes even extreme measures.”^[7] The fact that almost 12% couples in India are childless often come as a surprise to those who have had no problems in having children, and ‘herein lies just one of the stress which childless couples have to bear; ‘not fitting into the accepted norm’.^[8]

In the Indian culture especially, childlessness is considered both a stigma and “considered inauspicious and subject to social discrimination like restriction on participating in social events or celebrations.”^[9] Generally it is recognized as a “crisis that has the potential to threaten the stability of individuals, relationships, and communities.”^[10] Such couples become subject of social discrimination and they undergo a sense of isolation, diminished self-esteem and confused self-image. In addition, once the feelings of disbelief and shock wear off, they are often replaced by anger. “Clinicians report that many people dealing with infertility feel grief and depression, anger, guilt, shock or denial, anxiety and loss of control.”^[11] The grief of knowing that one may never have a child is a loss that is as devastating as grieving death.

Therefore, for Christians in India, childlessness often becomes a crisis of faith and identity. Research^[12] shows that 74% of couples experienced shock upon realizing they would remain childless. This shock is compounded by societal stigma and the silence of the church. Couples also report that pastors rarely address childlessness or create awareness, leaving them unsupported in their trauma. The church’s lack of preparedness and awareness has intensified the crisis, making pastoral response both urgent and necessary.

Key Findings of the Study^[13]

The study highlights the profound pain endured by childless couples. Seventy-eight percent feel that childlessness is considered a disgrace, often driving them into seclusion. Infertility frequently strains marriages, with husbands sometimes perceiving it as solely the wife’s problem, leading to discord, domestic violence, or divorce. Yet, some couples grow closer, finding strength in mutual support. While 36% claim their personality has not been affected, denial may play a role, as 64% acknowledge significant emotional impact.

Intrusive societal attitudes exacerbate the struggle. Sixty-eight percent of respondents expressed discomfort with probing questions, with women rating this higher than men. Indian culture disproportionately blames women, subjecting them to ridicule and abuse—70% of women reported mockery compared to 36.7% of men. Despite this, urban and educated contexts show greater acceptance, with 78% rejecting social ostracism and 70% resisting isolation. Encouragingly, 82% of couples yearn for supportive networks of friends, highlighting the church’s responsibility to foster compassionate communities.

Faith struggles are also pronounced. Half of the women and over a third of men admitted that childlessness caused them to question God’s presence and purpose. Seventy percent of women reported judgmental attitudes from Christians, reflecting cultural bias. More than half found it difficult to approach ministers, and 88% strongly affirmed that the church in India is ill-prepared to address childlessness. Couples often feel pressured to exercise faith through prayer, fasting, and seeking forgiveness, with 85% of women affirming this outlook. Yet, 84% are open to viable alternatives such as medical treatment or adoption, underscoring the need for pastoral sensitivity and guidance. The study among the pastors on their response to this predicament infact corroborates every fear that couples feel about the church. They also do express little understanding and study on this issue that further hinders any pastoral concern.

Gendered Experiences

Men and women experience childlessness differently. Men often internalize their struggles, while women verbalize emotions through tears and words. In India, infertility is frequently seen as the woman’s problem, regardless of medical reality. Women face stigma, exclusion from religious ceremonies, and diminished status in family and community. Fertility is closely tied to femininity, sexuality, and self-esteem, making childlessness particularly traumatic for women. Surprisingly, research indicates that Christian women report higher rates of childlessness, 30% more than Hindu women, which is likely linked to delayed marriage due to higher educational attainment and urban lifestyles^[14]. Yet, the greater concern is the church’s failure to recognize and address this issue.

Adoption as a Viable Alternative

Although the word “adopt” appears only a few times in Scripture, the concept of adoption is pervasive. Bible always presents adoption as a positive and gracious act that is part of God’s plan. Moses a Hebrew child for example was adopted by the Egyptian princess (Ex: 2:1-10). His adoption was part of God’s overall plan for the deliverance of Israel from Egypt. Esther was also an adoptee; when she was orphaned her cousin Mordecai graciously adopted her. This adoption also led to a wonderful deliverance of the people of God. To our surprise wasn’t Jesus himself an adoptee? Joseph gladly accepted Jesus though he faced shame from the society. And this adoption turned out to be the greatest deliverance for all mankind.

The New Testament also reflects the adoption of all believers into God’s kingdom. Paul says “In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus” (Eph: 4:5). It just throws light that for God, ‘Adoption’ was ‘the perfect plan’ for redemption of the fallen race even before the creation of the world. So, one becomes God’s child only by this process of adoption. In the Roman law, which is the background of Paul’s writing, adopted children enjoyed equal rights as the biological children. By being adopted into God’s family we gain sonship which enables us to call unto to Him Abba, Father (Gal: 4; 6, Rom: 8:15, 16). Secondly, we are equal heirs and co-heirs with Christ (Rom: 8:17, Gal: 4:7). What is inferred is that adopted children are not second-class family members but they are equal in position and privilege with the biological children.

Adoption emerges as a powerful, grace-filled response. Unfortunately, adoption has often been misrepresented as a last resort for the childless, rather than embraced as a broader Christian calling. While two decades ago different agencies actively facilitated adoption, today the process is centralized and lengthy. Nevertheless, adoption remains a rewarding and transformative experience, creating families united not by blood but by covenantal love and commitment.

Concerns regarding Adoption^[15]

Adoption stands as a viable and grace-filled option for couples facing childlessness, yet it is often accompanied by fears and questions. From our own struggles with infertility and the lived experience of adopting two children, we have learned that while not every query can be answered in advance, many concerns can be addressed with faith, discernment, and pastoral sensitivity. One of the most pressing questions couple’s faces is how long they should wait before considering adoption. Infertility clinics often prolong treatment by offering successive medical options, including donor eggs or sperm, without ever counselling couples on adoption. Couples must prayerfully decide how far to pursue treatment and when to embrace adoption. Those who opt for adoption earlier often find themselves at an advantage later in life, as they avoid prolonged emotional strain and begin the journey of parenthood sooner.

Another common concern relates to the background or genetics of the child. Adoption is, at its heart, a step of faith. While the child’s biological history may remain unknown, each child is created in the image of God and carries hidden potential. Family atmosphere, bonding, and opportunities for learning play a far greater role in shaping character and aptitude than genetics alone. Parents often worry whether natural love will grow for the adopted child, but love deepens through involvement in the child’s upbringing. Sometimes affection is immediate; at other times it grows gradually. In either case, God instils parental love, and the bond blossoms as the child becomes part of the family.

Questions also arise about extended family acceptance and the child’s response upon learning of their adoption. Extended family support varies, but parental love and acceptance are sufficient for the child’s flourishing. Over time, even initially hesitant relatives often embrace the child. The process of “telling” is crucial: children must hear their adoption story from their parents, and this truth should be shared early to avoid secrecy or shock. Adolescence may bring questions about biological parents, but with assurance and openness, children can process these realities in healthy ways. Society, too, may raise questions, but adoption need not be made public unless necessary. In our experience, responses have often been surprisingly supportive, reminding us that adoption is ultimately a family matter.

Finally, couples wrestle with theological questions: is adoption God’s will, and how does it align with faith in God’s provision? Right theology leads to right action. Scripture presents adoption as part of God’s plan, as we have seen Moses, Esther, and even Jesus were adoptees. Adoption is not a second-best option but a divine provision that meets the needs of both child and parent. Concerns about favouritism between biological and adopted children, sibling rivalry, or whether adopted children will care for parents in old age are natural but not unique to adoption. Parenting always carries risks of disappointment and joy, whether biological or adopted. What matters most is the commitment to raise children without favouritism, with equal love, and with dependence on God’s grace. Adoption, therefore, is not merely a solution for childlessness but a profound act of justice, mercy, and love that reflects the heart of God.

Medical Advances and Ethical Questions

Medically Assisted Reproduction (MAR) methods such as artificial insemination and IVF offer hope, with success rates between 50–72%. Yet, they raise ethical questions. Couples must weigh medical options with prayerful discernment, mutual consent, and awareness of challenges. Adoption may not be suggested by medical professionals, leaving couples to navigate this path through personal conviction and community support. Not all couples choose adoption; some may wait upon God or remain child-free. These choices must be respected.

The Way Forward for the Church

Compounding the pain of infertility is the uneasy suspicion that since children are a sign of God’s favour, their absence must be a sign of his judgment or displeasure.”^[16] When there happens to be some interaction, many times couples are asked to “search out and find their sin, remove it from their lives, and exercise enough faith, they will conceive a child. To fail is to demonstrate a lack of faith.”^[17] Hence couples state that the church is very ill prepared when it comes to responding to issues of childlessness. One of the main reasons could be that, “infertility is a sticky wicket for those whose theology does not allow for the possibility of unanswered questions.”^[18]

The study underscores that “effective pastoral counseling as that which acknowledges their losses as real. No one wants pat theological answers and those who received them resented them. Rather, all requested recognition of their pain and genuine empathy.”^[19] Church as a community should become a reliable source of support. One of “the surest ways to be helpful is simply to be aware of the presence of couples for whom infertility is an everyday reality.”^[20] Hollow platitude does not help, even though said in sincerity…. Listening non-judgemental as a couple tells their story and as they express their honest feelings is one of the most helpful things supporters can do.”^[21]

Churches must become reliable sources of support, forming groups that help couples process grief and find hope. Pastors should raise awareness through sermons, Bible studies, and family seminars, teaching that childlessness is not a curse and that families without children are complete in Christ. Sensitivity is crucial during occasions like Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, and Christmas, which often isolate childless couples. Adoption if shared from the pulpit, needs to be presented from a broader perspective than limiting it as a response only for childless couples. Every family could be encouraged to adopt even if they have children of their own. Financial support for costly treatments, counselling that allows theological doubts, and respect for couples’ choices regarding adoption or medical options are vital steps forward.

Conclusion

Childlessness is not merely a medical condition but a profound pastoral and social challenge. It affects identity, faith, and community belonging, especially for women who bear disproportionate stigma. Yet, amid pain and struggle, there is hope. Adoption offers a visible act of love, medical advances provide new possibilities, and supportive communities can transform despair into resilience. The church must rise to this challenge, moving beyond silence to empathy, awareness, and action. By listening, supporting, and affirming that families without children are whole, the church can embody Christ’s compassion and create spaces where childless couples are embraced, not excluded. In doing so, it will reflect the gospel truth that God’s family is built not on bloodlines but on faith, love, and covenantal grace.

Footnotes

[1] https://www.who.int/news/item/04-04-2023-1-in-6-people-globally-affected-by-infertility

[2] https://www.ijcmph.com/index.php/ijcmph/article/view/10867

[3] Sathish Joseph Simon, “Pastoral response to the Crisis of Childlessness among Christians in India”, Thesis submitted to Union Biblical Seminary, Pune, 2011

[4] Martha Stout, Without Child: A Compassionate look at Infertility (Michigan: Zondervan Publishing House, 1985), 13.

[5] Gareth Jones, Manufacturing Humans: The Challenge of New Reproductive Technologies (England: Inter Varsity Press, 1987), 80.

[6] Janet Anderson and Rita Alesi, “Infertility Counseling,” in The Subfertility Handbook: A Clinicians Guide edited by Gab Kovacs (Cambridge: University Press, 1997), 250.

[7] Linda Hammer Burns and Sharon N. Covington, “Psychology of Infertility,” in Infertility Counseling: A Comprehensive Handbook For Clinicians, edited by Sharon N. Covington And Linda Hammer Burns (Cambridge(GB): Cambridge University Press, 2006) 1.

[8] G. B. McGuinness, “Childlessness,” New Dictionary of Christian Ethics and Pastoral Theology, edited by David J. Atkinson  (England: Inter-Varsity Press, 1995), 81.

[9] Usha Ram, “Childlessness and its Consequences in India: Levels, Patterns and Differentials,”  International Institute for Population Sciences,( 2008), http://www.iipsindia.org/pub/ IIPS%20Research%20 Brief%20No.%205.pdf (4th Jan 2009).

[10] Linda Hammer Burns and Sharon N. Covington, “Psychology of Infertility,”…, 1.

[11] Jacob MC, McQuillan J, and Greil AL, “Psychological distress by type of fertility barrier,” Human Reproduction, 22/3( 2007):885-94, www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/17178745 (28 Oct 2010).

[12] Sathish Joseph Simon, “Pastoral response to the Crisis of Childlessness among Christians in India”,…

[13] Sathish Joseph Simon, “Pastoral response to the Crisis of Childlessness among Christians in India”, ….

[14] https://www.ijcmph.com/index.php/ijcmph/article/view/10867

[15] Mini Joseph, “Adoption”, Christian Family in Transition: Continuity and Discontinuity, ed, Koshy P, Varughese, (Faridabad: Dharma Jyothi Vidya Peeth, 2012) 150-154.

[16] Martha Stout, Without Child: A Compassionate look at Infertility…, 13.

[17] Martha Stout, Without Child: A Compassionate look at Infertility …, 18.

[18] Martha Stout, Without Child: A Compassionate…, 19.

[19] Millicent C. Feske, “Silent Sorrow: Mourning Infertility and Pregnancy Loss,” Circuit Rider (September-October 1998) (12 Aug 2009).

[20] Nancy Gieseler Devor, “Pastoral Care for Infertile Couples.” The Journal of Pastoral Care 48, no. 4 (1994): 355-361.(359)

[21] Beatrice Klassen, “The anguish of infertility,” M.B.Herald, 36/9, (Dec 2009): 1-4, old.mbconf.ca/mb/mbh3609/klassen.htm. (18 May 2010).