THE SANCTUARY OF THE “OTHER”: A NARRATIVE OF INTERFAITH COVENANT AND THE EXPANSIVE LIFE
Brinda Adige
A Cosmopolitan Crucible
In the heart of Bengaluru—a city that prides itself on being a global hub of innovation and a melting pot of cultures—the interfaith marriage occupies a unique sociological space. While the city’s skyline is defined by tech parks and cathedrals, its social fabric is still woven with deeply traditional threads. Here, an interfaith union is not merely a private contract between two individuals; it is a public intersection of ancient civilizations.
Despite the city’s cosmopolitan veneer, societal attitudes toward interfaith marriage are ambivalent. Many celebrate the idea in theory, appreciating the symbolism of unity in diversity, but the reality of such unions often encounters scepticism, scrutiny, or outright resistance. Within extended families, religious communities, and social networks, interfaith couples frequently navigate questions that test loyalty, compromise, and courage: “Which faith will the children follow?”, “Are you abandoning your roots?”, “How will your traditions coexist?” Even within church communities, well-meaning friends and elders often voice concern, urging caution or adherence to doctrinal orthodoxy. The undercurrent is fear—fear that faith will be diluted, that identity will be compromised, that sacred rituals will lose their meaning.
Interfaith marriage is often viewed through the lens of tension, yet our experience has been a journey of dialogue, discernment, and deep mutual reverence. As a Catholic married to a Hindu in this bustling metropolis, we recognized early on that our union was not an arena for conversion, but a sanctuary for understanding. Ours is a lived testament to the fact that love need not be at odds with faith, and that a home built on respect and inquiry can model what coexistence looks like in the broader society.
Roots of Reverence: The Legacy of Two Matriarchs
My perspective on this union is a lifelong legacy, shaped by the contrasting yet complementary wisdom of my two grandmothers. While both were foundational to my identity, my maternal grandmother held a profound influence on the way I interpret faith today.
She created a “safe harbour” for my curiosity. In an era when children were often told to follow tradition without question, she encouraged me to ask, “Why?” When I brought home stories or rituals I had learned at my paternal Hindu grandmother’s house, she never responded with judgment or a sense of religious superiority. Instead, she was willing to embark on a journey with me to find answers. She never put down the richness of my Hindu heritage; rather, she helped me see how those truths could sit alongside my Catholic formation.
This intellectual and spiritual openness taught me that faith is not a fortress to be defended, but a horizon to be explored. I remember the rhythmic beauty of reciting the Angelus and the Rosary in her presence, just as I remember learning the Gayathri Mantra in my other home. One was a petition for grace; the other, an invocation of divine light. Both were sister-languages of the soul. This upbringing allowed me to find the parallels between the selfless sacrifice and Dharma of the Hindu epics and the radical love of the Gospels.
The lessons of these matriarchs are amplified in the broader social context. Many interfaith couples in Bengaluru and beyond face the pressure of proving that the “other” faith will not corrupt their devotion. Families often worry about the continuity of religious lineage, while communities worry about the erosion of shared traditions. But what my grandmothers taught me is that faith is expansive, not zero-sum. The question is not whose religion prevails but how both can cohabit in a life lived fully, ethically, and spiritually.
Faith is Not a Competition: The Science of Ritual
One of the greatest misconceptions in interfaith dialogue is the idea that different practices must compete for dominance. On the contrary, I have come to see that faith is not a competition; it is a collective wisdom. Often, there is a profound scientific and seasonal logic behind the rituals we observe.
In Hindu traditions, rituals are frequently aligned with the biological and ecological needs of the body. Take, for example, the tradition of eating neem leaves and jaggery (Bevu-Bella) during Ugadi. Beyond its symbolic representation of life’s bitterness and sweetness, it is a scientific masterstroke—neem acts as a natural cleanser for the blood during the change of seasons. Similarly, fasting and abstinence during festivals or holy days are not merely spiritual disciplines; they reinforce the rhythms of nature and provide time for reflection and bodily rejuvenation.
We see this same wisdom reflected in the Catholic tradition. The discipline of fasting on Ash Wednesday and Good Friday is a spiritual and physical “reset,” a cleansing of the system that mirrors the various fasts (Vrats) found in Hindu practice. Whether it is the seasonal diet of a harvest festival or the asceticism of Lent, these rituals remind us that our faith is deeply rooted in the stewardship of the bodies and the world God gave us. Recognizing these parallels in practice has helped us create a shared spiritual language that enriches both our lives.
The Architecture of Agreement: Intentional Parenting
We have strived to live and teach similarly with our own children, honouring the “open door” policy my maternal grandmother established for me. We have built our family on the pillars of Truth, Companionship, Love, and Forgiveness. While Christian Scripture warns against being “unequally yoked” (2 Corinthians 6:14), we lean into the profound narrative of peace offered in 1 Corinthians 7:12–14, which affirms that such unions are held within God’s grace. In our home, “Truth” is not a weapon to prove one’s religion “better.” Instead, it is the courage to share our spiritual needs openly. We decided together to raise our children in the Catholic faith, but with an iron-clad commitment: they would remain deeply immersed in the richness of the Hindu heritage. We are not teaching them “half of two things,” but the “fullness of an expansive life.” We want them to feel the same safety I felt—the freedom to ask questions and the joy of finding that the Rosary and the Deepam can light the same room.
The broader lesson here resonates beyond our home. Interfaith couples often face external scrutiny when making such choices: relatives may criticize, peer groups may question, and even local institutions can raise eyebrows. Yet the intentional parenting of an interfaith home offers children a dual inheritance: a deep respect for spiritual diversity and the skills to navigate pluralism with empathy and discernment. These children often grow up more adaptable, more curious, and more capable of seeing humanity beyond religious labels—a small but tangible contribution to social cohesion.
Rituals as Anchors: The Rhythms of Coexistence
I believe that rituals serve to bring families together. In our home, rituals are never treated as an affront to the other’s faith. Instead, they are celebrated as moments of profound belonging.
Whether it is the shared meal after Mass or the lighting of lamps during Deepavali, these rituals serve as anchors. We participate in Hindu pujas, weddings, and naming ceremonies as an act of solidarity. We relish the food, the symbols, and the varied meanings “in between” the ceremonies. We have learned that family unity is sustained by intentional togetherness.
Outside the home, the experience can be more complicated. Public and community spaces often carry implicit expectations about conformity. Interfaith couples are sometimes subject to side conversations, curious questions, or even criticism about participating in ceremonies that are “not their own.” Within church communities, the couple may feel scrutinized, questioned, or politely distanced. Within Hindu networks, the same curiosity and scepticism also appear. The solution, we have found, is transparency and joyful participation: showing that love, respect, and devotion can coexist without erasing the beauty of each faith.
Challenges and Joys: The Realities of Interfaith Marriage
Interfaith marriage is not devoid of challenges. Negotiating holidays, dietary restrictions, and community expectations requires intentionality. Extended families can sometimes resist inclusion or feel that traditions are being diluted. Misunderstandings may arise over religious education, and neighbours or colleagues may unconsciously question the “validity” of the union.
Yet these challenges carry hidden gifts. The necessity to discuss and reconcile different traditions cultivates emotional intelligence, empathy, and patience. Everyday decisions—such as which religious festival to celebrate, or how to decorate the home—become exercises in negotiation and mutual respect. In turn, these conversations strengthen the marital partnership, creating a shared life that is conscious, deliberate, and enriched by multiple perspectives.
There is a profound joy in building a family that honours dual heritage. Sharing stories from different scriptures, celebrating festivals across religious calendars, and engaging in each other’s prayer practices cultivate a sense of sacred discovery. Children grow up witnessing love that transcends doctrinal lines, learning to inhabit the middle ground with confidence, humility, and respect.
Conclusion: A Call to Command the Middle Ground
The interfaith family is a microcosm of a world in need of peace. Our marriage reflects not a compromise of faith, but a fidelity to God through love and conscience. We hope to see a shift in the Church—moving from a posture of “tolerance” to one of “active accompaniment.”
The Church has a unique opportunity to celebrate the hospitality found in interfaith homes. We must recognize that the “other” is not someone to be conquered, but someone to be loved. By living an expansive life, we prove that the walls built by men do not reach the heavens. Family unity is sustained by mutual reverence, and in that reverence, we find the very face of God.
This narrative is not only a personal testimony; it is an invitation. It calls readers— individuals, families, and communities—to embrace curiosity over judgment, dialogue over defensiveness, and shared growth over exclusive ownership of tradition. In doing so, we create sanctuaries where the “other” is not feared but celebrated, and where faith becomes a bridge to collective human flourishing.
A Call for a New Hospitality
The future of the Church—Catholic and ecumenical alike—depends on its ability to move from a posture of rigid preservation to one of radical accompaniment. We need a Church that is more encompassing and inclusive, one that values the spiritual growth of the person over the strict adherence to external ceremonies. While rituals provide a framework, they must not become barriers to the “other.”
The Church must prioritize the enhancement of a believer’s interior faith, embracing the common values of love and justice that transcend denominational boundaries. By opening our doors to the “expansive life,” we recognize that God’s grace is not a limited resource to be guarded, but a boundless presence to be celebrated in every home, to strengthen the residing of love.
We find our mandate in the radical life of Jesus, whose ministry was a masterclass in breaking barriers to include the marginalized and the “outsider.” Just as He forged bonds across divides of faith and status, we are called to build bridges of mutual reverence. Our mission is not to enforce a sterile uniformity, but to foster a sanctuary where we appreciate the beauty of varied religious expressions. By seeing the Divine in one another, we become better people, transforming the Church into a home where every seeker—regardless of their heritage or manner of praying—feels they truly belong. “In the end, we will not be judged by the uniformity of our rituals, but by the expansiveness of our hearts and the courage with which we invited the whole world in.”
Brinda serves as the Founder Director of Global Concerns India, Bengaluru. She pioneered India’s 1st Child Protection Helpline called *Makkala Sahaya Vani, in the Bangalore Police Commissioner’s Office in 1997 and headed the same till 2006. She also pioneered & formulated the Training Module for Gender Sensitive-People Friendly Police, supported by UNICEF, which is included as Syllabus in Karnataka Police Training Academies. She is part of the Core Team of Mukti-An Alliance to End Human Trafficking and Bonded Labour. She is also a member of the Karnataka State High Power Committee and the Bengaluru District Legal Services Task Force, Against Human Trafficking.
PERMISSION WITHOUT PARTICIPATION: FAITH, MARRIAGE, AND PATIENT LOVE
Sushmita Bandopadhyay
A reflection on marriage, (im)patience, and the quiet work of God
I have been married for thirty years. My walk with Christ is just over twelve. That difference in years tells a story of grace arriving in the middle of an already-formed life —faith entering a covenant built long before I knew what it meant to surrender fully to Christ.
All I knew earlier was that marriages are made in heaven – but what did it even imply?
When I came to faith, my husband did not oppose me. He never objected to my going to church, to prayer meetings, to care cell meetings. He did not create barriers or demand explanations. In many ways, he stood quietly alongside my journey — attending Christmas and Watch Night services, and even sponsoring an Israel trip for us. There was no opposition. Instead, I was impatient in making him understand my belief, my faith and my reasons to follow Jesus. It was a very challenging and heartbreaking trial. The church only advised to pray over the matter. In the absence of any counselling in the church, I went through many trials and experiences that made me miserable.
Anyone who has lived this reality knows how it is like. Permission without participation leaves a lonely road.
The tension did not come from prohibition; it came from presence — the subtle ways spiritual difference makes itself felt. It surfaced in the discomfort of being together in gatherings of believers, in well-intentioned questions like “Where is brother?” that sometimes felt more like a reminder of absence than an invitation, and in the quiet awareness that the deepest part of my life was not something we shared.
Scripture speaks with remarkable realism into this space. In 1 Corinthians 7, the apostle Paul acknowledges marriages in which one spouse believes and the other does not, and he does not call the marriage deficient. Instead, he writes that the unbelieving spouse is “sanctified” through the believing partner — set apart, brought into the sphere of God’s gracious influence. This led to my question why the church or Christian society often resists or rejects interfaith or uneven faith marriages when scriptures itself acknowledges their reality.
One of the most difficult seasons was the baptism of our son. Church leaders encouraged me to share openly with my husband, yet I hesitated. I feared misunderstanding, tension, perhaps even hurt. When I finally spoke, the conversation was not easy. What I had experienced as my fear felt to him like betrayal. That year, our planned vacation carried a heaviness that words could not easily dissolve. I questioned my decisions – whether I had acted wisely or impulsively. In the end, I could only give it to God, pray and ask for forgiveness, wisdom and understanding that God knew then and now and that His understanding exceeds my own.
Over time, I am learning that loving someone as is and also living faithfully in a relationship is less about persuasion and more about mutual respect, understanding and each other’s companionship. The apostle Peter’s counsel has become a quiet guide: that those who do not yet believe may be “won without a word” through the conduct of their spouse. Those words are both comforting and sobering. I am always reminded that witness is not merely verbal; it is my action, it is my behaviour, it is even my failures that speak more loudly than any conversation about faith.
The last thirteen years have been one of the most refining and precious years. I am realising that it is tough to live it consistently. There have been moments when my temper, my impatience, or my inability to let go of small grievances have hidden the very Christ I desire to reflect.
And then there have been traditional celebrations within our families which have been deeply formative part of our journey. These moments have required both of us to examine our hearts carefully — to discern what our faithfulness looks like in that particular setting, while extending grace towards one another. Scripture reminds us that “if possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all” (Romans 12:18), and these gatherings have often become opportunities to practice that calling in very practical ways.
Rather than approaching such occasions with anxiety or defensiveness, we have sought to walk in humility and honour family bonds without compromising personal conviction. Such moments have been a lesson of demonstrating a spirit of gentleness and respect.
Each such moment has been a reminder that sanctification is ongoing, and that God is shaping me even as I pray and eagerly wait to see my husband give his life to the Lord.
Perhaps one of the greatest lessons has been learning to release outcomes to God. Jesus reminds us that no one comes to Him unless drawn by the Father. Salvation is not something we orchestrate; it is something God initiates. On multiple occasions, I have been very troubled and heartbroken on Sundays – when I had to be in the church alone. I carried a subtle anxiety that I must somehow create the conditions for my husband’s faith. Over time, I have come to understand that my calling is not to convert, but to love; not to convince, but to remain faithful. Many a times, my son has advised and reminded me that in God’s timing it will happen.
The role of the church in this journey has often been reassuring of God’s love for me. Support from fellow believers can be a profound source of strength, yet it requires sensitivity. Casual comments, even when kindly meant, can unintentionally create pressure or highlight difference. At the same time, there have been seasons — especially during the COVID pandemic — when the church embodied Christ’s command to love in tangible ways. Acts of care, quiet support, and genuine friendship spoke volumes, demonstrating that faith is not merely confessed but lived.
Watching these expressions of love softened something in our home. They revealed a Christianity rooted not in words alone but in compassion. They reminded me that sometimes the most powerful witness is simply a community that loves well.
Throughout his life, my husband has lived with gratitude. He observes, often quietly, the ways faith is shaping my life. He has always walked alongside us in ways that speak of generosity of heart. His posture has taught me that God’s work in a person’s life often unfolds in ways unseen, beyond the timelines we might prefer.
Living in this tension has required patience — in fact , I see him embodying the Scripture that says that love “bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” Patience is not passive; it is active trust. It is the decision to continue loving faithfully without demanding immediate resolution.
There is also a quiet humility that grows in this space. Spiritual difference within marriage reveals how little control we truly have and how deeply we must rely on God’s sovereignty. It invites a posture of prayer that is less about asking God to change another person and more about asking Him to shape our own hearts. We three are able to pray together and thank the Lord together in our homes. It has taken several days to reach that kind of a scenario and I feel happy about it. I have hope.
Over time, my prayers have shifted. Where I once asked for quick answers, I now ask for faithfulness — for gentleness in speech, for wisdom in action, for a spirit that reflects Christ’s love and can help me to love him. I pray for patience and constant help from Holy Spirit, trusting that God’s timing is neither hurried nor delayed. There is a season for everything. I lean on Him, I trust on Him and not lean on my own understanding now.
Marriage is a reflection of God’s steadfast love. Even when faith journeys differ, the commitment to love and honour, becomes a living testimony of grace. Loving without conditions, remaining present through uncertainty, and trusting God with what we cannot control are ways in which ordinary life becomes a place of spiritual formation.
I wonder why my husband’s heart has not yet embraced Christ in the way I pray for. Yet I am confident that God sees the whole story. He is patient beyond measure, working in ways that transcend our understanding. The mystery of His timing invites me to trust even more.
What I have come to see is that this journey, though sometimes lonely, is also deeply sacred. It is a space where faith is refined, where love is deepened, and where dependence on God grows stronger. It is a reminder that discipleship is not confined to church walls but lived out in daily relationships — in conversations, in quiet acts of service, in forgiveness extended again and again.
Perhaps one day, the fullness of God’s work in our lives will be revealed. I continue to walk in hope – trusting that love, prayer, and faithfulness are never wasted. God is writing His story and I am confident that the God who began a good work is faithful to bring it to completion.
Being able to rejoice in each other’s achievements, embrace our differences, and still walk side by side fills me with deep gratitude. My walk with Christ has made me more aware of His gentle hand in our relationship, giving me hope that He continues to guide, sustain, and shape us with love.
Sushmita serves as a Communications Specialist and as Vice President – Corporate Communications at Apollo Group of Hospitals. She has over 25 years of experience in strategic counsel and communications planning, and has developed deep expertise in crisis communications, leadership engagement, employer branding, storytelling, and integrated campaigns across sectors including medical technology, healthcare, aviation, FMCG, and luxury. She is a certified DEI (Diversity, Equity and Inclusion) evangelist and advocates important matters on equity at workplace.