Divorce and Remarriage: What Does the Bible Say?

Divorce is a sad and unfortunate aspect of the fallen world we live in. Divorce has been common in Western society for many decades now, with almost half of all marriages ending in divorce. Divorce rates in India have also been rising recently, especially in urban settings. And of course with the rise in the number of divorce cases, the topic of remarriage also inevitably rears itself.

Marriages within the Christian community are not immune to similar challenges, and sadly divorce is as common in the church as it is outside. Church leaders often struggle to offer guidance and direction on these matters, because they are usually complex, difficult, and emotionally charged. Thankfully God has given His Word, the Bible, which helps us to navigate the intricacies of these issues with wisdom and grace. It is therefore critical for church leaders to have a clear understanding of what Scripture teaches on these topics, so that we can help and guide people struggling in their marriages.

It is impossible to discuss the issues of divorce and remarriage without first reflecting on the nature of marriage itself. Thus in this short paper I will summarize what the Bible teaches on the subjects of marriage, divorce and remarriage. Then I will offer some pastoral thoughts on how we can handle these issues in the church.

It should be mentioned at the outset that faithful believers throughout history and around the world have held different views on these challenging and sensitive topics. What I offer below is not the definitive biblical statement on these subjects, but rather my own interpretations and syntheses of the relevant scriptural texts. Other Bible-believing Christians may differ from my views, but hopefully we can still engage with one another with both charity and clarity on these issues of critical importance, for the benefit of both the church and the world.

1. Marriage

God is the author and the designer of marriage (Genesis 2:20-22). Marriage was the first institution established by God in Eden itself, to provide intimate companionship for a man and a woman as part of his perfect created order (Genesis 2:18).

Marriage is a covenant (i.e. a permanent, binding agreement) between two adults, one man and one woman, who vow to remain faithful to one another other for life. Marriage is thus a monogamous relationship between two adults, who are joined together before God as one unit in an exclusive union (“one flesh,” Genesis 2:24). Marriage is meant to be a secure, lifelong bond that is public in nature and not to be broken by human separation (Matthew 19:4-6).

Marriage should be prioritized above all other relationships, with the exception of one’s own personal relationship with God (Genesis 2:23-24). The unity of marriage and of the couple must also be guarded with utmost care: “What God has joined together, let no one separate” (Mark 10:9).

Sexual intimacy is a gift from God to be enjoyed exclusively within the marriage covenant, and is to be reserved specifically for this relationship. Any sexual activity outside of marriage is considered immoral and a sin against God and one’s spouse (Exodus 20:14; 1 Corinthians 7:2-5; Hebrews 13:4).

Marriage ultimately points to and symbolizes the spiritual relationship between Christ and the Church. Just as Christ loves the Church with a self-sacrificial love, and the Church submits itself to Christ, so too should husband and wife love and submit to one another (Ephesians 5:21-33).

As with all relationships, marriages are marred by sin. However, husbands and wives are to forgive one another, be gracious towards one another, care for one another, and lovingly lead one another towards Christ and towards holiness (Ephesians 5:25-29; 1 Peter 3:1-7).

2. Divorce

As mentioned above, marriage is a lifelong, public commitment between a man and a woman made before God and others. The death of a spouse is the only natural cause that puts an end to a marriage (“until death do us part”, as it is mentioned in most traditional marriage vows). However, the fall of mankind and the entry of sin into the world has marred this holy union (Genesis 3:1-24), and given rise to the existence of divorce.

Divorce is the unnatural end of a marriage. Divorce breaks the marriage union and terminates it. In this sense divorce is the death of a marriage.

Divorce should never be celebrated, as it was not part of God’s original order of creation and marriage (Genesis 2:23-24). And yet we must soberly face the fact that it is still an unfortunate reality in our fallen world today. The Bible is very realistic about the consequences of sin in the world, including in marriage, and so both Old and New Testaments talk about divorce (Deuteronomy 24:1-4; Mark 10:1-11). Divorce itself may or may not be a sin, but it is always a result of sin.

The New Testament offers only two explicit reasons for a legitimate divorce: sexual immorality (porneia, Matthew 5:32; 19:9) and desertion (1 Corinthians 7:15). These two reasons share a common theme, however, in that they both involve the breaking of the marriage covenant. In light of this, the underlying scriptural principle seems to be that breaking the marriage covenant is the legitimate biblical ground for divorce.

Using this logic, most Bible scholars and theologians agree that while sexual immorality and desertion are the clearest grounds for divorce in Scripture, there may well be other legitimate biblical grounds for divorce as well. These include cruelty, abuse (of different kinds), material neglect (i.e. failing to provide for your spouse), refusing to fulfil conjugal rights, and perhaps others as well. Each of these sinful patterns are ways a spouse may break the marriage covenant and thus ‘desert’ the other spouse. Thus the desertion may not be spatial—that is, the spouses may still live in the same home. And yet the desertion is still real, because these patterns abandon the one-flesh union that is essential to the marriage covenant.

As mentioned above, divorce is against God’s plan for marriage and therefore is to be avoided at all costs. Even in cases where divorce may have biblical sanction, it should still be considered the last resort, applied only when a marriage is broken, irreparable, and completely irreconcilable. Jesus warned against the misapplication of the permissiveness of divorce (Matthew 19:1-9), and so the church should exercise caution in permitting divorce among its members.

Applicants for divorce should normally comply with and meet the legal requirements of the state (Romans 13:1-5).

3. Remarriage

As mentioned above, marriage is meant to be for life. Divorce is always a tragic and undesirable end to a marriage, but in rare circumstances it is permitted by God. Further, it is my understanding that the Bible allows for a divorced person to remarry another person in at least some circumstances. There are at least two reasons why I believe that the Bible teaches that remarriage is allowed in certain cases.

First, 1 Corinthians 7:15 states that a spouse who has been deserted “is not bound.” This implies that the deserted spouse is free to remarry. This would have been the default Jewish understanding (see below), and the same idea seems to be present in 1 Corinthians 7:39 (“she is free to marry anyone she wishes”).

Second, basically all Bible scholars agree that it was a given for first century Jews that remarriage was possible after a valid divorce. To be granted a legal separation meant for them by default that you were no longer bound to anyone, and thus permitted to remarry. This seems to be the assumption in Deuteronomy 24:1-4 and Matthew 19:9. In other words, none of Moses’ or Jesus’ original hearers would have thought that remarriage wouldn’t be a possible option after a legitimate divorce. If Jesus wanted to teach that remarriage after every divorce was unacceptable, he probably would have had to make that new teaching much clearer.

It should also be noted that it is most likely that the exception clause in Matthew 19 (“except for marital unfaithfulness”) modifies the verbs that both precede and follow it: “whoever divorces” and “marries another.” This again suggests that Jesus implicitly taught that remarriage was acceptable in at least some circumstances.

Therefore I believe that it is biblically permissible for a divorced person to remarry in certain situations. This means that, practically speaking, in circumstances where the aggrieved spouse has given their consent to a biblically-permissible divorce, then it would also be biblically permissible for that person to remarry. Of course just because remarriage may be biblically permissible it does not mean that it is required, or that it is a wise idea. There are many factors to consider in making this decision, and anyone in this position should seek wise counsel and mentoring in this process. But generally it seems that that Bible teaches that the aggrieved spouse in a biblically-permissible divorce is permitted to remarry.

On the other hand, the spouse whose actions caused the divorce should make every effort to be reconciled to their original spouse, or remain unmarried (1 Corinthians 7:10-11). In rare cases where remarriage to the original spouse is impossible, and the guilty person has demonstrated clear repentance for their earlier sins, they might (under the close direction and supervision by church leaders and counsellors) be allowed to marry another person. In a case like this, clear repentance would also involve making amends for their past wrongdoings to all affected parties.

If a spouse who was the guilty party in an unbiblical divorce has already remarried and only later realizes their earlier sin, then they should repent of their sins and make amends wherever possible. However, they should remain married to their current spouse.

4. Pastoral Considerations Regarding Divorce and Remarriage

The biblical teaching on divorce and remarriage outlined above has vast implications for how church leaders handle these issues in their congregations. Here a few of these implications:

Church leaders should help Christian couples build strong marriages

Pastors and church leaders should do whatever they can to support healthy marriages in their congregations. Teaching and preaching on marriage should be part of the church’s regular biblical diet. Pastors should also help engaged couples prepare for marriage in a healthy way (often referred to as ‘pre-marital counselling’). In addition, churches should encourage struggling couples to reach out for help before it is too late, and offer counselling for those having marriage challenges.

Church leaders should extend grace to divorced people

Divorcees are sinners, just like the rest of us. Unfortunately, however, in some churches divorce can sometimes be perceived as a type of ‘unforgivable sin’, a permanent black mark on a person’s life from which they can never recover. While we should never take divorce lightly or compromise on the Bible’s teaching on the lifelong permanence of marriage, church leaders should also offer much grace to divorced people (as we do to everyone). We should try to understand the circumstances of a person’s divorce, gently lead them to truth and repentance where required, and, moving forward, help divorcees lead a life of spiritual growth and service.

Church leaders should deal with every situation on a case-by-case basis

Practical cases of divorce and remarriage are usually messy and complicated, involving a complex web of relational, emotional and theological issues. Pat answers and simplistic solutions are rarely going to be helpful in the long term. Church pastors and elders should make every effort to understand each situation specifically, and apply broad biblical principles (as given above) to guide parishioners in the best way possible in light of their particular circumstances.